So now the exciting part of this article. Are you ready? We’re going to get into the basic principles of our REBT. Now there are three aspects of human functioning. Basically, we think, we feel, we behave. Let me Repeat That …. We think, we feel, we behave. REBT is going to give you complete and absolute control over all three. Absolutely amazing! So the basic flow. How do we go through our lives? What actually happens? Well, first we have a thought … then we have a feeling … and then we take action. The old argument in psychotherapy was what comes first? You know there’s a chicken & egg type of thing. Is it that the feeling comes first, and then we have a thought about that feeling? Or does the thought come first and then that creates the feeling? Well, this is again this is the science of how psychology works. In REBT, in the science of it, They found that the thoughts create the feelings. And therefore the thoughts come first … they generate the feelings …. and that generates the actions.
I’m actually going to take you into a live demonstration of how this works. And we’re going to basically follow this model right here. There’s going to be an activating event called the “A”. A belief you have about that is called the “B” and then the consequence “C”. This is the classic way they do it in REBT. I give you a little nicer way to do it in the actual demonstration that we’re going to do next. I’m also going to give you some additional handouts and readings that you’ll find in the very next section along with the live demo that will really drive this home. Makes it powerful. Makes it fast simple and easy to use. So without further ado …. let’s move on to the demonstration.
What is REBT?
It’s Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. So today we’re going to be talking about REBT. What I call the miracle of REBT. Because A miracle is when something happens it’s so amazing you thought it would never happen in your life. Well, that’s what’s going to happen today. Because 99.9% of people will never be exposed to REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy) and their lives will be less livable because of it. But not you …
You’re my special guest today and you’re going to make it happen and you’re going to have the tools strategies & techniques to make a Life Second to none. So, let’s take a look at the board. Over to my magic board here. We will do this in a festive mood today, REBT. So let me break it down for you.
Rational means sane! If you don’t understand the nature of reality you’re what? Your Insane! Now don’t feel bad. Most of us don’t understand the nature of reality. We don’t understand how it truly is. When she started using these techniques you realize you fall in that group. And so do I. So rational means “sane.”Here’s what else it means. It means any time you crap yourself, you’re negative to yourself, and you use the negative self-talk that we talked about previously and in training.
Anytime you are bad to you .. you’ve lost your mind. You’re insane! You’re not rational! Because I can explain rationally why you would be good to yourself. But I can’t explain rationally why you be bad to yourself. So rational means being good to yourself. Not crapping on Yourself. That’s rational emotive. Big fancy psychology term I’m not quite sure whether you use this I wouldn’t a gone this route.
Emotive means to “Emote” It’s a simple word that means “emotional.” So a rational way, a logical scientific way to change your emotions, and therefore change your behaviors.
And what’s therapy? I love therapy. I’m an it guy. I do love it. It’s a system of getting better. And as Wayne Dyer says “You don’t have to be sick to get better.” I used to use it as a motto for my counseling. OK, so that’s what rational emotive behavioral therapy is.
How REBT works
Now we’re going to jump right in there and see exactly how it works. I’m going to give you some nice examples here. So you have some specific real-life examples of how to use this so that you can simply plug in your problem, your issue, the thing you want to get past, the thing you want to enhance, the thing you want to eliminate. Have that ability and just plug it in and make it happen effortlessly. So why do people get stuck in their emotions? And why I said I thought they understood the nature of reality… But they really don’t … myself included. It’s because we’re missing a piece and I’m going to show you the missing piece. So here’s what it looks like. Here’s how it appears that reality happens. So when you have a disturbing Event … Here’s what happens. Say somebody yells at you therefore you get mad. and you give them a Bop In the Nose. Typical scenario … you’re having an angry reaction. So here’s what happens. There’s an event. (let me put this in red so it will stand out for you.)
So we have an event. Did somebody yell at you? absolutely … that happened. You’re not crazy yet. (LOL) Based on that you have a certain FEELING … and then based on that we take a certain ACTION. This is exactly, exactly, I mean check your own experience, This is exactly what it SEEMS like is happening. And the reason we can’t break out, we can’t change your own emotions just like that … is because we’re missing a hidden Price! Here’s the hidden piece. OK. Somebody yells at you. That’s true. (That happened) Now then what happens is you have a certain thought about it … and you have certain self-statements that you make (we’ll call them self-talk). This is the way you describe what happened to yourself.
Sometimes known as your “Explanatory style” … how you explain this to yourself … the meaning that you give it. That’s self-talk. And then you also have certain RULES (I’ll go over what that is). Then based on this happening. They have a certain feeling … like you get mad… and then you take a certain action … Bop them in the nose.
So let’s look at the magic of this missing piece. “Every feeling is based on the thought that precedes it.” (KEY CONCEPT!!!) If somebody yells at you your thought is “Wow, are they met that guy behind me.” You’re not going to get upset because the thought is this has nothing to do with me … and you’re not wrong.
But if you say, even if somebody wasn’t yelling at you, and you say, “Hey! Are you talking to me? And you get upset … because of that thought … you’ll get mad … you might bop the guy in the nose. This is exactly how it works! It’s not the EVENT
that happens … but the MEANING that you give it. The meaning. What you tell yourself about that event … That is the golden ticket. That is what makes you happy, mad, sad, angry, nervous, worried, scared. And then you take the appropriate action. Whatever that may be … In your mind … when you feel that certain way. So here’s what happens.
Say you’re a young kid, and you’re having a good time, you’d be bopping around in your little diaper there and you’re going across the couch, and all of a sudden you get to the end of the couch and you fall over. Bam! All of a sudden you look up at your mom or dad and you’re kind of trying to figure this out. This is the First time this has happened. You Didn’t really hurt yourself … you got that big bumper around you called a diaper. But you’re trying to figure out how to feel about this. And you look for clues. Now if your mom or dad are laughing … It’s so funny. You see its no big deal … It’s Funny! ha! ha! This is good slapstick. Then you’ll think … when you fall on your butt … That’s funny!
That’s big humor! You’ll probably start doing it like Steve Carrey. But if you look at your parents at all they’re shocked and they’re so nervous and “Oh my god … my baby! and they freak out! You’re going to say … Well, falling off the couch or falling down… isn’t slapstick. It means FREAK OUT! Because these are your mentors … these are your teachers … they’re teaching you to do this! Now what happens is this will get locked in your psychology … you will have these instant reactions … and they become like a reflex.
You no longer think about them … Once they’re locked in. It’s called the “imprint period” or childhood programming. Now what happens is … this is how it seems like reality goes. The EVENT … Then the FEELING … then the ACTION. But I told you in reality this is how it really goes. But this happens because it’s reflexive … and it happens in a millisecond! So fast the human brain (the human eye) can’t detect it. Now, if I go like this and this happened a split second so quickly you couldn’t see it. Doesn’t this … look a lot like this? And this is WHY you can’t change it. It’s literally HIDDEN. You don’t remember ever setting these things up. Now when we were talking about the child falling off the couch … pretty soon they develop a RULE.
A rule is: when this happens … you feel like this.” Just like some people will say “Well, you know, if somebody says something mean to you. You turn the other cheek… and you just let it go. If they practice that over and over and over again that becomes kind of one of the rules of doing things. It will become reflexive! So the minute somebody says something nasty to them, They say “Boy, that guy must have had a bad day” .. and they just keep moving on. Now if your “RULE” is, and you’ve ingrained this, you’re now programmed, it happens instantly. Then, Hey! You don’t ever talk to me like that! You don’t disrespect me!” Man, I will give you a bop in the Nose! And that’s what you’re going to do. That’s why people have anger management problems. They go on to court and say “I don’t know what happened. judge … it just happened in a second.” The guy said something to me .. and I just blew up! I didn’t know what happened. I’m going to plead temporary insanity.”
Kind of true … kind of not true. From the perspective that we’re looking at … Yes, it’s true. So the judge will take that into consideration that he knows people will sometimes do things reflexively. But …. here’s a guy with an Anger Management problem who 20 years later hasn’t figured out how to do REBT … hasn’t gone back and reprogrammed himself … created another response. So the judge says “I understand you say and that it just kind of happened to you. Things like that happen to me. But you know what? If they happen to me … in this court you’re responsible. NOT for having this program… but for NEVER fixing it. And that’s the only responsibility I’m going to lay on you. You didn’t know how to change these things … so I didn’t expect you to change anything you have problems within your life. But you’re not going to put on you going forward.
Now that you know how to fix something … if you still have these challenges in your life it means you didn’t go through the techniques of REBT. You didn’t think enough to change them. Are going to show you right now. And now it’s not “Oh, these problems are kind of handed to me. They’re an old legacy piece from my childhood.” No! These are now things that you CHOSE to keep. So you have some responsibility, but responsibility means “The ability to Respond.” That’s awesome! Also known as personal power … you can now change it! I’m going to show you the exact strategies for how to do that.